My first wife

How did we meet? It's none of your business, but okay. Well it was a day like most days, I guess. I decided to sit in the back of the bus next to Steve Jammer and the popular kids. When I sat, I could see Steve had the floor and of course, all the other kids were laughing (as usual). Now, I didn’t know what Steve said, but I laughed my hardest so Steve could see that I liked his joke the best. Well, Steve saw me laughing and he sat next to me while all the other kids watched. He said, “Hey, George. Why don’t you hold your tongue and say, My dad works on a pirate ship.” Oh, I knew it was a lie! My dad had been a Librarian his whole life! But I played along. I was nervous, I was a kid, I had attention for the first time in my life and hey, it was Steve Jammer for crying out loud, you know?

So, I did it. I hold my tongue and go, “My dad works on a…”

I end up saying, “My dad works on a pile of shit!” Which, is not true at all and is even more humiliating and ridiculous than him working on a pirate ship! I was tricked. Duped. Played. The back of the bus erupted in laughter as Steve slapped fives with all his fans. I was still a fan so I five'd him too, but after all the excitement, all I could think about was how I was going to salvage my old man’s image. When my stop came, I walked off the bus with my head down when I felt a tap on the shoulder. It was Jenny MacDonald. She said, “Pile of shit, huh? Your dad sounds pretty cool.” She invited me to her house for dinner that night before I could tell her the truth about the old man. We ate leftover spaghetti. That’s the day I met my future wife, Jenny’s sister Barbara. You happy now?